Photographs and Diaries
by JennieJoy72
Summary: Eleven year old Jennifer Stetson has one question, "Why doesn't Daddy love me as much as Matt?" Amanda gives her the answer she is looking for; she just does it in typical Stetson style.
1. Photographs and Diaries

**Photographs and Diaries**

"Mom, where's Dad at?" Jennie asked as she flew into the living room where her mother was trying to rest after a nine hour flight home from Germany.

"Jennifer Dorthea! Could you not tell I was trying to rest? Have you ever thought about looking first then asking?" Amanda unintentionally snapped out at her only daughter.

"Um, no, not really Mom you usually know." Her half crooked grin and hazel eyes were the spitting image of her father; so was her 'don't look, just ask' attitude.

"Try out in the garage; I think Matt and him are working on the car or something."

"Thanks, Mom; hey if you want sleep and to be left alone why are you down here and not in your bed?" She asked but never waited for the answer as she flew out the back door to find her father.

"Daddy, are you out here?"

"Yeah, in the garage, Princess; now Matt, you will want to pull that out, wipe it off, and then put it back in and then when you pull it out again you will have an accurate reading of how much oil you have in the car. There you go, Matt, now you're getting the hang of it." Jennie watched as her father explained how to check the oil in the car to her older brother, well he was only older by six minutes, but none the less she was the youngest.

"What are you two guys doing, Daddy?" Jennie asked.

"I am teaching your brother here about simple car maintenance. Did you need something?"

"Can you show me too?"

"Jennie, you don't have to worry about this." He said as he patted her on the shoulder.

"I still want to learn." She countered with a gleam of hope in her eyes.

"So, Dad, are we still going to the range today after this?" Matt asked as he finished what he was doing.

"Yeah, of course we are."

"The gun range; can I come too, Daddy?" Jennie asked as her eyes lit up in excitement.

"Jennie, no, you're not ready to be around the range yet." Lee answered very sternly.

"I'm not ready but Matt is? I don't understand; why is he ready but I 'm not?" She really didn't understand and the look and answer her father gave her didn't make her any happier.

Raising his eyebrow and giving her a look she had seen him give her mom over some of her assignments. Her and her brother found out three years ago what her mother, brother, and occasionally her father really did for a living and then found out she and her twin brother could never tell; they never have.

"What? Why can't I go?"

"You are not ready and I will not take you until you are. Now Jennifer I am not going to argue with you over this; you are not going to the shooting range and that is that. Do you understand me? Now why don't you just go help your mother in the house?"

Turning on her heels she headed toward the door and then turned and looked at her father and said, "Mom doesn't need help; she is sleeping."

"Then help her by doing the laundry for her." Lee wasn't too happy when he saw the look that crossed his daughter's face. He was pretty sure that if she had spoken the words out loud that he heard in his head just from her look she would have just told him to go to hell.

Jennie slammed the door as she came back in forgetting all about her mother trying to sleep until Amanda raised up from the couch and said, "That does it, young lady, that is the second time you have slammed that door and then the running all over the house shouting, you just earned some time in your room; which you better walk to and not slam your door. Is that clear?"

"Mom…"

"I don't want to hear it, go now."

Jennie stood for a minute tears brimming her eyes and then knowing it was never a good idea to cross her mother she walked up the stairs and went to her room and gently shut her door. Jennie sat on her bed reading for about twenty minutes and then thought it might not be such a bad idea to help her mom out with the laundry after all.

Jennie went into the laundry room and started to separate the clothes into the correct piles and started her first load when she moved Amanda's bag a small holder with photos fell out of it. She picked it up and inside she found pictures of her family.

She sat down at the table and began to look at the pictures. The first one was of her mother and grandparents when Amanda was about Jennie's age; it was taken at a beach. The second one was of her dad when he was four with his parents not too long before they were killed; her grandfather and dad were practically identical in looks. The next was one of her mother and Joe with her two older brothers. There was one of just her mother, grandmother, and her older brothers; it looked like a castle behind them. The next was a photo of her parents on their wedding day; another one was of her and Matt on one of their birthdays. The next few were from different family functions, and then as she reached the last of the pictures Jennie heard her mom coming toward her and she thought she was going to get in trouble again.

"Hey, Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" Amanda sat down and noticed Jennie looking at her travel photos.

"They fell out of your bag while I was starting on the laundry." She said as she handed the pictures to her mother.

"These are my pictures that I take when I go out of the country to keep you guys close to me. Jennie, I want to apologize for snapping at you a little while ago."

Stopping at a single picture of her dad she looked at her mom she began to cry then asked, "Why does Daddy love Matt more than me? Did he not want me because I was a girl and not a boy?"

Amanda's heart began to break when she saw Jennie crying and staring at Lee's picture. She knew more than anyone that Lee would die without Jennie in his life. Why didn't her daughter know that?

"Jennie, what are you talking about? Your Daddy loves you more than anybody I know."

"No, no he doesn't. The whole time you were in Germany the only thing I was allowed to do besides go to school and do homework was to help with dinner and laundry. Do you know what; Matt was allowed to do? He got to go to his friends and play and he was even allowed to go to a movie with Jamie."

"Did Jamie ask you if you wanted to go?"

"Daddy said that Matt and Jamie needed guy time. I guess Matt needs a lot of guy time because when I went out earlier Daddy and him were working on the car and when I asked to help Daddy patted me on the shoulder and said I didn't need to worry about it. Then Matt asked if they were still going to the range and I asked if I could go and do you know what he said?"

Before Amanda had a chance to answer Jennie continued on with her Stetson temper starting to take root and boil over, "He had the nerve to actually say that I wasn't ready. I asked how Matt could be ready but I'm not; do you know he didn't even give me an answer he just gave me that look he gives you when he doesn't want you to take an assignment."

Smiling behind her mug of tea Amanda knew all too well the look her daughter was talking about; she had seen it in her husband's face daily in those first few years and again only recently since she had a few more field assignments in the last few months.

"Your Daddy is just very protective of you is all; he does the same thing to me. It is because he loves us so much that he holds us in a different category."

"Mom, it is called a double standard. Philip, Jamie, and Matt can do whatever they want and Daddy treats me…"

"Wait a minute, Philip and Jamie are grown and out of this house, your Daddy has no control over their lives or what they do. He does have a say however in what you and Matt do, but you're absolutely right that does sound like a double standard. Unfortunately we can't talk to him right now; so why don't we play a game or something; because I know for a fact I missed my girl more than anything."

Hearing Amanda's words put a big smile on her face; it was the first time since her Mom was gone that she felt important to someone. "Can you tell me about these pictures instead and why you take them with you please."

"Sure, these pictures like I said help me to not miss you guys so much when I am gone. Each one reminds me of a story about what was going on in each picture. You are smart enough to know the general idea of most of them. That first one I was about your age and Mother and Daddy took me to the beach; it was the last time that we all got to go at the same time. I got the worst sunburn on the very last day; I started school that year red as a lobster and peeling."

Going to the photo of her, Joe and her brothers Jennie asked, "Why do you carry this one? Does it bother Daddy?"

"I think it used to but I think it had to do with more of his insecurities than me holding on to a picture. This was taken at one of those studios inside the stores as a promotion and we had it done, it took forever because Jamie was teething and it took a while to get him to stop crying."

"This one is here," Amanda pointed to the picture that was from her wedding day "we were still keeping things a secret and so Billy assigned us this case to work on when all we wanted to do was to wrap up some paperwork. Your Daddy ended up getting shot, nothing serious, and we were almost late for our ceremony."

"Has Daddy and you been shot a lot?"

"Shot a lot, no; shot at a lot, yes. Your Daddy has more scars than I do; I just have the one from our honeymoon and that has nothing to do with my job at all. We were just meeting a friend of your Daddy's and we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lee thought I would be safer in the car when he heard the shots start but one went through the windshield and hit me and I almost died; glad I didn't."

"It wasn't like you had a choice if you did die Mom; is it?"

"I think I did have a choice; I think everyone has a choice to stay or go; I chose to stay."

"Who is this person with Daddy?"

"That my dear Jennifer is Lady Emily Farnsworth. She and your Daddy worked together on some of his very first cases; she worked with the British Intelligence Networks. I was lucky enough to meet her as well and get to work with her a little. She was an American who studied theatre and meet her husband Lord Farnsworth and then she got to play act the rest of her career in disguise while being a top agent."

"Why do you have a picture of Mandy in your family photos?"

"Her mother and I used to fight all the time about my working with the Agency; see she went through all the testing and training to work her way up in the ranks and I just went to the train station one morning and fell into it so to speak. Francine and I slowly worked more and more together and even though I liked working with your Daddy the most it was nice to work with Francine; we became friends and then when she had her daughter she named her after me and your Daddy."

"Where was this picture taken?"

Amanda looked at the fading photograph and felt her heart tug a little at the two men in the picture. "That was taken by Jamie I believe you and Matt were about six months old and your Uncle Robert came to visit; it was the first time he had to get away and come see you and your brother. We all went to the lake cabin and Lee and Bob had decided to go fishing. They got in the boat and went out for hours. I sat on the porch of the cabin with you two napping and the boys were out hiking. They got back as the sun was setting and Jamie had his camera and he looked out and those two were still on the water. Jamie took the picture and two days later Bob passed away in his sleep. Your Daddy told me after the funeral that neither one had even put a pole in the water; they had sat out on that boat all day just talking. You have no idea how much peace that gave me; they didn't always have a great relationship. You know your Grandmother is always telling me that it is never a good idea to hold your feelings in; that you just have to let them out or they will eat away at you. Those two held in so much I think that after they had that talk Bob was so much at peace that he felt Lee would be okay without him."

"This one is of Daddy and his parents; right?"

"Yes, I had a copy of that made so I would have one. Lee has the original. He was actually only four in that picture; they were killed about a year after it was taken. Gosh your Daddy is the spitting image if his father."

"Do you know anything about them?"

"I know the few things your Daddy remembers and what your Grandmother Jennifer has in a diary that was left for him. I have a few more pictures that I need to put in here with me so I will have them with me. I need to update some of you and your brother."

"Which brother are you talking about?"

"Matt of course; why don't you go and get my box of pictures from under my bed and you can help me pick some out."

"Okay." Jennie went upstairs to her parents' room to look for the box of photos. She found it where her mother said she would. She pulled the box out from under the bed when something on her father's side caught her eye; it was a book that looked as if it had fallen and she went to pick it up thinking it was one of his historical books he read all the time. It was actually a journal and even though she knew that she shouldn't read it, but she thought if she did it might give her a clue as to why her father didn't love her as much as the boys; no matter what her mother said.


	2. Fears of a Father

**Fears of a Father**

Jennie sat on her father's side of the bed and pulled his pillow out from under the covers and placed it behind her head. She had always loved his pillows the best, she could smell his aftershave on them and that always made her feel closer to him when he was gone. She opened the journal at the beginning and looked at the date on the top; it was dated two weeks before her and Matt was born.

**January 3, 1988**

_I can't believe that they will be here any time; Amanda said that the boys had been closer to their due dates but twins had a better chance at coming early. I would never admit to Amanda that I am terrified. I know she already knows. What do I know about being a father?_

_Amanda told me to write my fears down before they get here and then maybe I won't be so scared. So, what scares me the most about being a father? I would have to say everything. I didn't have greatest example growing up. No, I can't say that, the memories may be few but I remember my Dad. He cared about what I was doing and always listened to me as I told him of my adventures. He read stories to me and would tell me about cars._

_I don't remember him ever yelling at me, but his voice was so stern at times I don't think he ever needed to yell. That worries me; I yell. I still have a tendency to yell and then think about it and usually apologize. I don't want them afraid of me. I want them both to be able to come to me if they have a problem just like the two older ones seem to be doing when they can't get with Joe._

_I was surprised to find out that the Colonel Robert Clayton would be taking time out of his schedule to be here for this. He certainly wasn't the read a story at night or hugs and kisses kind of guy. I will admit thanks to my loving and caring wife the Colonel and I have a better relationship but there are still some things I would like to clear up between us. Amanda is right; he is family and I do care about the man._

_We are having a boy and a girl. Amanda insisted that their first names be after my parents; I tried to convince her that her parents were grandparents too and so she decided to use Dotty's name to go with Jennifer's name. She wants my first name to be Matthew's middle name. I asked why she didn't want to use her name's name in and she said that she already used his name, James, with Jamie. She wanted my children to have a connection to me; since my family connections weren't that strong._

_Amanda asked me the other day if I had seen the last ultrasound pictures of the twins; I lied to her and told her no. I have it at the office with me. I seem to be there so often lately that I wanted something of them there. I know I will have actual photos for the office soon; I just wanted something now._

_I think I am mistaking my excitement for nervousness. I want them here; I want to hold them, kiss them, and smell that baby smell everyone has told me about. I want to rock them in my arms and let them know I am doing everything in my power to make this crazy world a safer place for them. I want to teach them so many things._

That is where the first entry ended. Jennie was surprised to read that her father was scared. He never seemed scared about anything. He was so strong and powerful. She always felt safe when he was around. He had this big playful smile and wasn't afraid to get dirty with her and Matt. He didn't get mad when she and Matt would be playing and accidently broke something; but he sure did like to run his hand through his hair at those times. Even when he was giving out punishment his eyes never once looked mad.

**January 17, 1988**

_They're here, oh my, the twins are here! They are tiny and pink and perfect. Amanda is sleeping at the moment and the hospital is running some routine tests right now. Matt came first, Amanda won that bet; he has a head full of hair and already seems to have a mischievous look to his eyes. Jennie, my sweet girl, arrived six minutes later, and with a bit of drama and flair, just like me I suppose. When I saw that cord around her neck my heart dropped. It scared me to think I might not have her in my life. From the moment I knew I was having a daughter and saw that ultrasound I fell in love and I wasn't ready to let her go. I never will I suppose; a Daddy never wants their baby girl to leave them. Amanda is starting to wake; more to come._

_I guess it is a good thing I am left handed; I have been holding Jennie for about an hour now in my right arm and I am just watching her sleep. She has her mother's cute little nose. Amanda says that their eyes will stay blue for a while and then as they get older they will change into their color they will keep. Neither have any problems like most children born early. Thank God for that. They are still going to have to stay in the hospital after Amanda goes home; just a precaution I am told, but I am not sure how I feel about them being here without us. That scares me; I think I will fix that._

Wow! I had the cord around my neck when I was born; that is so crazy. Why haven't they ever told me that? She wondered and as she settled further into the bed she was completely unaware of her father and brother coming home.

"Hey, did you have a good nap?" Lee asked Amanda who was still sitting at the table drinking her tea.

"I wasn't napping I was just resting; I want to be able to sleep tonight and get back on this time zone. Matt, honey, can you give me and your father some privacy for a few minutes, and I want to talk with him."

Lee didn't like the sound of that but Matt asked if he could go to the park and play; his mother said that would be fine, "…just be home before dark and don't talk to people you don't know."

"I know, Mom." Matt left out the door and Amanda faced her husband and said, "Your daughter thinks you don't love her."

"WHAT! Where did she get that crazy idea?" Amanda was only slightly pleased to hear the panic in his voice.

"I don't know maybe from the man who pats her on the shoulder and tells her she will never have to worry about knowing how to work on a car or that he brother, who is only six minutes older, is ready for the gun range but she isn't. Maybe she got the idea when I was in Germany and was confined to the house while Matt ran the neighborhood. Lee, you have never played favorites before why on Earth are you starting now?"

"Where is she right now?" Lee asked.

"I sent her to find some pictures in our room but if she is anything like us; we will find her reading your journal that fell under the bed last week."

"Amanda Stetson that is private. She can't read that." Lee stood to leave the kitchen and Amanda put a hand on his arm and said, "Lee, it is about them and maybe it will help her understand that you think the sun and moon rises and sets with her; which takes me back to my original concern; why the twin imbalance?"

**February 13, 1988**

_Amanda told me that I didn't need to get her anything for Valentine's Day this year because she got her presents a little early with the twins. I didn't listen and she told me I spent too much money on the family. I don't think I did and I have never had to really worry about what I spend on gifts for people I love. It isn't like I can take it with me. Dotty did insist that I take Amanda out for dinner for our first anniversary. Amanda said no; it isn't fair to leave Dotty alone with two teenage boys and two newborn twins. I agreed with her but Dotty said that Curt was planning on coming and helping. Curt, Dotty, and even the boys practically pushed us out the door. When we got home I snuck out to the car while Amanda was checking on the boys and then the twins. I wanted to place the presents for everyone on the table where they would find them. I got Dotty some special bath salts, Philip new baseball equipment, Jamie his own set of books on photographic techniques, I even found a beautiful bracelet for Amanda, and for Matt and Jennie I got them each one their own teddy bear. I took the twins their bears and placed them in their bed with them. The bears are bigger than they are. I still can't believe I am partially responsible for those two sweet angels in my life._

**July 25, 1988**

_He left everything to me._

**November 25, 1988**

_Jennifer Dorthea Stetson you and your brother are going to be the death of me. We almost lost you two tonight. Your brothers and I went and found the perfect Christmas tree to decorate only to find out that you and your brother are deathly allergic to pine. Well we fixed that didn't we? Mommy had everyone clean the house of any pine from the house before we brought you home. Stop scaring your Daddy; I can't make it without you in my life._

**January 17, 1989**

_Happy Birthday! Well, children we have made it a full year together and your mother was right; you didn't break. We had a few bumps in the road, but we made it. Watching you two together is like something I have never seen before. You both say a few words already but I sat and watched you yesterday sitting and staring at each other like a private conversation were taking place. The feeling was so strong I felt like I was interrupting. It has been that way all year. One of you will begin to cry and the other will toddle over and comfort the other. You have a bond that I can only describe as one that people have accused Amanda and me of having. I wonder if it will be as strong as ours as you grow._

Jennie knew what connection he was talking about. It was true it was the one thing that she and Matt knew was the best and worst part of them. They did really have a deep connection. They had always been like best friends at least until lately.

"Amanda, I didn't want Jennie to go because Matt wanted to talk to me about guy things."


	3. Guy Talk

**Guy Talk**

"Amanda, I didn't want Jennie to go because Matt wanted to talk to me about guy things."

"What kind of 'guy things'?" Amanda asked; wondering how Lee handled the guy talk that she had to do on her own with both Philip and Jamie; even though after he was in the house the boys did go to him more about those things.

Raising his eyebrow he just looked at her and said, "Amanda, you can guess what he wanted to talk to me about; you did after all talk with the boys about these kinds of things long before I ever stepped foot into this house."

"I know, Scarecrow, I just want to know how you handled the first of many guy talks." She said with that knowing smile of hers.

"He asked about the normal stuff; why his body is changing, is it going to get worse, why does he have to shower after gym with the other guys when it is his last class of the day and he is coming straight home. He also wanted to know why girls get all giggly and when does that stop."

"What did you tell him?"

…_nightmares that won't seem to end and there is nothing I can do but hold her and be here for her. Joe was such a large part of Amanda's life; for better or worse. I know Joe and I had our differences but his death I hope doesn't tear us apart. She clings to me but is crying for him; for the loss of her children's father. I wish I knew how to make her pain go away._

Jennie had just finished reading the entries her father had written about when everyone thought Joe and Carrie had passed away. She knew all but the last three years on their birthday were hard on her family. Her mom always had a big smile on her face at their parties but it never reached her eyes and later Jennie could always hear her crying and her dad soothing her; or at least trying to. Now that Joe and Carrie were back with Joey her mom didn't cry anymore and at least once a week if not more they came to dinner with everyone. The next entry Jennie began to read was about how Philip came to him for advice on his dating Katie.

_Philip came to me tonight and I am still trying to decide if he was asking my advice or my permission about dating Katie. The night his father died was also the twins second birthday; I was running late and walked in on the two of them kissing in the kitchen. To be honest out of the two boys I thought it would be Jamie not Philip that Katie was going to be interested in. Philip went through his stages of mourning and still is but he was worried about how I felt about him and Katie. I asked him what he would do if I disapproved of it and he told me that he would respect that fact but it wouldn't change how he felt or the fact he was going to still date her. I was honest and told him I was afraid that if things went sour fast, as a lot of high school romances do, then I would be concerned for all feelings involved. I told him to move slow and enjoy the joy of growing up. I told him also to think of consequences if things moved beyond hand holding and kissing. I want him to protect her but also himself and as much as I want to tell him to wait before moving to fast I know how hard that can be for a teenage boy; I know all too well._

What in the world is my Daddy talking about? Jennie thought to herself. She went on to read about Katie being kidnapped and how lucky they were that she came back in the same condition she left in; that her stepfather's henchmen didn't rape her. What is rape?

_This year has already been so tough on this family I just know that if Katie had been raped that it would have changed her forever and since I brought her into this family and ultimately into Philip's life. He has been terrific with Katie since she has been back. He shows a maturity that most guys his age couldn't handle. I think he may have found his very first love._

First love; as far as Jennie knew Katie was Philip's only love. She has never known her brother to be with anyone other than Katie. The next entry in her father's journal made no sense to her at all. He was talking about a conversation with Jamie.

_It has been a little over a year since Jamie and Brittany had spoken. I was surprised to see her when I got home tonight. I had picked the twins up from Dotty and of course Amanda is out of town this week. Jamie seemed nervous like he had just stolen the royal jewels. I let the twins play as I began dinner and asked Jamie to help me. Never in a million years would I think he would tell me what he told me. He just had sex for the first time. I asked if he was okay. He said he was fine or at least he thought he was, "How are you supposed to feel, Dad?" That is what he asked me. I told him it was different for everyone as long as he knew for certain he was ready for that step in life and was responsible for any and all actions that could happen from those actions. Sex is never to be entered into lightly. Oh boy, I really thought we were a few years away from this. I also thought Philip would be first; maybe he already is and just not saying. I need Amanda!_

What in the world? Boys are just weird; I have no idea what Daddy is talking about here. I don't think I want to know. Maybe this is why Daddy loves the boys more than me; they all have had this sex thing; whatever that is. Maybe I should too Jennie thought as she kept on reading.

"I told him the truth, Amanda, some girls stay giggly their whole life, some girls just pass through their life and the important girl becomes your wife."

"Very good answer, but did he ask about sex?"

"Yes he did; he knows Katie and Philip are expecting but he wanted to know how it happened and I told him. I also told him that it wasn't a game and he was nowhere near an age to begin having sex. He asked how old was old enough. I told him honestly it was different for everyone but he had to finish growing up in more than one area for that. Has Jennie ever asked you about sex?"

"No, as smart as the twins were I just thought they would know. I figure she would ask when she started her period but that hasn't started yet either."

"Is that normal?"

"Girls can start anywhere from ten to seventeen; just depends on the girl, her activities she is in, and family history. I started early so I thought she would have but nothing yet."

"That makes me feel better."

"Lee, it is going to happen; just be glad you had a little experience with Katie being around so much."

"Yeah, I think I am going to go see how far into my private thoughts she is and set her straight about my love for her."

Lee stood up to leave and leaned over to kiss Amanda as Matt came back in and he saw the pictures and said, "Hey, Mom, what are these?"

Lee headed up the stairs and found Jennie on his side of the bed completely engrossed in his journal; she didn't even notice that her father had sat down next to her until he asked, "Hey, Princess, what are you up to?"

Looking up at her father his heart broke as he saw the tears in her eyes thinking she would be in trouble with him.

"Daddy, I was trying to find out why you don't love me as much as the boys, but I haven't; I'm sorry I know I shouldn't read your private journal." The tear fell harder and Lee reached over and pulled his daughter onto his lap and just held her; letting her tears fall.


	4. A Simple Truth

Finally here is the last chapter this story. Sorry it has taken so long in posting. I hope you enjoy. Please if you read feel free to review and let me know what you think, good bad or indifferent. I hope you enjoy.

**A Simple Truth**

"Jennie, are you okay now?" Lee asked still holding tight to his daughter on his lap. Shaking her head she welcomed her father's hug and compassion instead of the rejections of earlier that day and the week before.

"Here sit down next to me and let us talk." Lee kept his arm around her in the crook of his arm; not wanting to break the contact for fear she would misunderstand again. "I knew the moment you were born that I was going to have to watch you like a hawk. Anyone that comes into the world with a cord around their neck was going to need to be protected and watched carefully."

"Daddy…"

"No, I'm serious." He said with a wave of his hand. "I'm not sure if there is anything I can say to you to make you realize that you are wrong about me loving the boys more than you. You see, that just isn't possible. I love all four of you I just show it differently for each of you."

"Yeah, the boys can do anything they want and I can't."

"Not true, young lady. You told your mother that while she was gone last week that I let Matt go all over the neighborhood and you had to stay here; yes that is true. Matt was playing at Kerrigan and Tracy's house and if I recall one of them had chicken pox and Matt had already had them and you hadn't so I had you stay at home, plus your bike was still at the repair shop so you couldn't even go on bike rides. The movie that Matt went to see with Jamie was a Sci-Fi movie and you don't like those kinds of movies so I had you stay here with me and I think you beat the socks off me at Scrabble; didn't you?"

Smiling she said, "Yes, I did win; did you let me?"

"No, just like I don't let your mother win either; now your grandmother that is a different story she just makes up words and it is just too funny so I let her. Now back to the subject at hand, me not loving you."

"I know you love me, but it just seems like you love the boys more. They get to do all kinds of things that you won't let me do."

"Like what kind of things?"

"Learning about the car, playing baseball, going to the gun range with you, having sex…"

"WHOA! No one under the age of 18 is having sex in this house and yes ma'am that includes you. Do you even know what sex is?"

"No, but in your journal you were talking about it so I just figured it was one more thing you let the boys do that I wasn't allowed to do."

"You can talk to your mother tonight about what and how sex works but no it isn't something that I allowed any of the boys to do and just so you know it is definitely something I do not want you to do."

"Why?" Lee's heart swelled at the innocence his daughter still held.

"Mommy will explain all about the whys and why not later, but what I can tell you is that you are more precious to me than just about anything in the world. I never thought I would even be a parent; much less to four wonderful and thoughtful children."

"I think I read that; why didn't you think you would have kids?"

"For one thing I never really cared much for children; I didn't understand them and being raised with Uncle Robert I never got that warm family feeling. A few other reasons were because of the work I use to do; being an agent for me was the most important thing to me. I didn't think it was fair to bring children into this world and then go to work and leave them so often or in some cases permanently."

Lee watched his daughter's face and knew she understood what that last part meant. "Yes, Jennifer, there were real possibilities I could have died and never came home. Thank God I met your mother at that train station; Billy put us together a lot because I think he knew that I wouldn't take so many risks if she was around because I was responsible for her in the beginning; let me tell you what she scared me a lot of times too."

"You mean Mommy needed protecting and watched too?"

"She did but um so did Daddy. We are getting off subject, young lady so back to you kids." Jennie sat closer into her father's embrace, not wanting to see the love in his eyes for the boys and not as much for her.

"The love I feel for Philip and Jamie is completely different for each of them. They have both been in my life for as long as your mother has been. I started to care for them through her; she was always sharing and talking about them and what they were up to. I pretended like I didn't care what she had to say but in truth I wanted to hear those stories about them and your grandmother. When I started coming around out in the open around everyone, Philip and I got off to a great start. We had a lot of the same interests. It was easy to talk with him about things and I had already learned so much about him from Amanda that loving him was just as easy as loving her. Now we didn't always get along and after everyone found out we were already married and you and your brother were on the way things got a little patchy but I hung in there and tried to prove that I loved him, your mother, and everyone else."

"You had to prove you loved them? How can you prove you love someone?"

"Isn't that what you are asking me to do with you?" Lee asked but Jennie just sat quietly and continued to listen to her father.

"Jamie was a completely different story; the first few months we were okay, I was just the new guy his mom was dating and we got on fine. Once Jamie realized I was here for the long haul and not just a few dates in my fancy car he began to worry about me and not trust me. When Mommy got shot on our honeymoon and was out in California for so long Jamie became worried about me not sticking around I guess and decided that I wasn't the best person for his mother. He grew distant from me, not wanting to do things with us, and despite having incredible manners he had no problem with being openly rude to me; not knowing that I was already his stepfather. I decided it was up to me to bridge the gap, now while things did get better in time Jamie still didn't want me around but he figured out the secrets your mom and I had been keeping, our jobs and marriage to top it off and after he confronted me and we talked Jamie and I began to grow closer."

"Is that why Jamie became an agent too, because you and Mommy were one?"

"You would have to ask Jamie that but I think he just believed in the same things we did; that people everywhere need to be safe and we need people to do that; not just the military but people that have a desire to make the world a better place."

"Philip believes that too but he isn't an agent."

"No he isn't and I think he would have made a great agent but he felt it was more important to teach about the history that his family protects in order for some of that history not to repeat on itself. Your brother is an excellent teacher and coach. He inspires young people every day to do their best and reach for whatever dreams they have inside of them and that takes a really talented and caring person to do that."

"Yeah I guess it does. Is he scared because Katie is going to have a baby? Is he afraid like you were with us?"

"I think every parent is scared and afraid the first time they become a parent. I know I was; I mean like I have been saying my parenting experience started with two teenage boys and then BAM twins. That is a shock to the system, plus at the time I was finding out about you I was waiting to find out if Katie was my daughter too."

"You thought Katie was your daughter? How?"

"When I was young I dated Katie's mom for a short time and then after we broke up we didn't see each other for a few years and the first time a lot of people see Katie and me together they see a resemblance between us so we took a test to find out and I found out I wasn't. Do you not see the same resemblance in you and Katie? Don't people ask you all the time if she is your older sister?"

"Yes, we do look a lot alike."

"See Matt favors your Mom in his looks, the dark hair and deep brown eyes. You young lady are me in female form. Left handed, hazel eyes, same hair color, dimples, hot headed…"

"I am not hot headed; I am just easily provoked by others around me at that time." Jennifer defended herself in true Stetson fashion.

Tapping her nose Lee continued, "That is what I am talking about; also you hold things in and let them set in and it takes twice as long to get you to either understand something or to realize you are wrong."

They sat quietly for a few minutes and then Lee continued, "Matt was born in a loud thunder. He was first and in a big hurry letting out the biggest cry. He wanted his presence to be known and I think that was because he knew you were on the way behind him. He has kept us on our toes ever since. We used to call him Bugsy after the mobster because he loved to steal things from everyone; mainly keys. Your mother and Grandmother always made up stories as to what a toddler would do with all the keys he took. I told them he was just proving that he wasn't going to be contained or confined. He isn't either; he loves to take things apart and see how they work; he just is curious as to the wheres and whys of things in life. He and your mother had an instant bond; she could and still calm him with the sound of her voice or a simple touch of her hand. She does that with me too."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings Daddy; but Matt says that when he is mad or scared the only person he wants is Mommy."

"It doesn't; Mommy has a special way around us men in this family. What about you; do you want Mommy at those times?" Lee already knew the answer but he wanted her to see it for herself.

"No; I want you."

"You always have. In the same way Matt and Mommy bonded easily; so did you and I. I saw that cord around your neck and I felt as if my heart had been ripped from me. They unwrapped the cord, cleared your airways and I heard the softest most wonderful sound in my life; your first cry. Then they took you over to where they clean you up a little and weigh you, check all your vital signs. I left your mom for just a minute to watch the nurses with you and your brother. They handed me your brother and I took him to Amanda and she was holding him when I went back to get you. They placed you in my arms and I couldn't see you for all the tears in my eyes. I mean I was holding the most beautiful baby in my arms and you were so tiny. I took you over to your mother and placed you next to your brother. I held you every chance I got after getting you two home. Your mother even said that if I didn't stop she would make sure a terrorist came and took me for a few days for international interrogation."

"I read you stories and chased away your monsters from under your bed. I learned how to make a pretty mean French braid and taught you how to cook. Can Matt make a Frittata? I didn't teach you how to cook because you are the girl; I taught because you allowed me to spend that time with you. If you really want to know how to work on cars I will show that to you as well. I never meant to make you feel as if you were less important than the boys; the truth couldn't be further from that."

"What about the gun range; why was Matt ready and I weren't?"

"That is another easy answer; you have been having trouble seeing lately, that is why you have an eye appointment on Monday and until an eye doctor tells me you will be able to see the target then you young lady are not ready for the gun range. Besides, Jennie, the main reason I didn't include you with Matt today was because sometimes guys just need to do guy things. I don't think that when you and Mommy go have girls night with Grandma, Katie, Francine, and Mandy that you love me less because you don't want me there. There is one simple truth in life Jennie; you and I will disagree from time to time but always know you are one of the biggest reasons I get up every day. I don't know how to prove that I love you; you are the best and worst of me and your mother. You are unique in your insight; you have an amazing power to believe in the human spirt until it gives you a reason not to. You look for the best while at times expecting the worst but you keep on. You are honest, brave, and fearless. I learn something new from you every day I am around you and I will be here for every good and bad thing that will ever happen in your life. I was once told that your children decide on their parents from Heaven; well you choose me to be your father and I am going to do everything I can to live up to that choice. I love you Princess, never doubt that."

Jennie knew like the whole family that when it came to her father as her as well the truth always lied in their eyes. She looked into his eyes and saw all the love a man could have for a daughter but more importantly she saw his love for his daughter. She put her arms around his neck and said, "I never will ever doubt your love again Daddy. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me as usual you just surprised me. Now how about we go downstairs and challenge your brother and Mother to a game of Scrabble; you can be on my team."

"I'm always on your team." Jennie put Lee's journal back on his dresser and picked up the pictures for her mother and then the two of them went down the stairs to order pizza for dinner and have a family night of games and laughter.

Later that night Amanda found Lee looking over her box of photos; "Hey, whatcha doing there Buster?"

"Looking at these photos of us through the years and I noticed that most of the pictures since the twins were born most of Jennie's are with me and most of Matt's are with you."

"Well, Lee, you know what they say about Daddy's girls and Momma's boys; as crazy as it is if a family has boys and girls in most cases I know of the boys will bond with their mother and the girls with their father. Do you remember being closer to one parent more than the other?"

"Yeah, I guess I was with my mother. I loved her voice; that proper sounding English. She taught me my manners and I even remember a piece of advice she gave me once, 'At times boys will laugh at what they put girls through but they won't be laughing when they are wiping the tears off their daughters face for the same reason.' She told me that because I went along with some other boys laughing at a little girl who fell and was scrapped up pretty good. It was my first lesson in how to treat a lady of any age. Jennie was that little girl today because I had to tell Matt the same thing because he thought it was funny that he was getting to do things that Jennie wasn't."

"I thought you said that Matt wanted to do some guy talk?"

"He did, but that was right after Jennie came back in the house before we left."

"I see; I always thought that all your old fashioned ideas of how to treat a lady came from Bob?"

"Some did but Dad always said that if she was a true lady she will wait for you to open the door and to pull out her seat; he said that she would wait because a real lady would never allow to be treated as anything less. I want that for Jennie; I want her to wait for the one that won't make her wait to feel anything less; is that wrong? I want my daughter to wait and I want my sons to not let them wait."

"I think that is wonderful maybe you should tell that to Matt and Jennie; Philip and Jamie already have that down."

"I think it is time for bed Mrs. Stetson; what do you think?" Lee stood and took his wife by the hand and then lifted her into his arms to carry her to their bedroom; neither one aware of the little girl watching and listening to her parents and then running to her room before she got caught.


End file.
